Wednesday, December 27, 2006

The Resolution

"I resolve this will be my healthiest year ever!"

"Great! How are you doing that?"

"I start at 4:30 each morning. I bought one of those way-cool Zen clocks to gently ease me awake. Then I meditate for 30 minutes. I don't eat unconsciously if I start my day centered and balanced."

"I hear you. No one likes a crooked diet."

"Are you making fun of me?"

"No, just playing; I admire your dedication. What's next?"

"Exercise. I bought top-of-the-line brand name running clothes - $175 for the shoes alone. I also plunked down cash for micro-fiber rainproof pants, a fleece pullover, and pedometer. You should see it; it counts steps, distance, even calories. So, I do a rigorous warm up followed by a three-mile run and power walk, and end with a cool-down stretch. I have DVDs and a CD to guide me."

"Wow, I'm exhausted just listening."

"There's more. After an aromatherapy shower using four all-natural astringents and a limited design anti-cellulite luffa, I plan meals. I purchased an entire collection of healthy-eating cookbooks, and subscribe to an on-line service that each day provides a new prepare-from-scratch, all-organic recipe tailored to my personal history - which I mix and cook in specially treated cookware."

"Specially treated? How's that?"

"I'm a little fuzzy on the details. But the infomercial said they have 'an exclusive adipose reduction coating that the diet companies don't want us to know about.' They wouldn't lie in their own ads, would they?"

"Heaven forbid! No!"

"Success involves conscious thought. So I write things down. I got a journal for my thoughts and feelings, another for logging exercise, and a third to record calories, fat, fiber, portion sizes, and of course, my weight and measurements."

"Let me guess; you bought a scale too."

"State-of-the-art all-electronic! It monitors weight, body fat - even tracks my progress. I also subscribe to a personal coaching service. Every day, I read my affirmation, then email my reaction to my success coach for support."

"What does he do with it?"

"Nothing. But, you know, just knowing I'm being held accountable helps. I also see a personal trainer, nutritionist, and therapist."

"You are really motivated. What can I do to help?"

"Talk me out of this. I'm hungry, I'm exhausted, and I'm going broke."

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