Dear Diary

Sunday
My backside looks like cottage cheese during an earthquake. Tomorrow, I go on a diet. Here’s to success!

Monday
I’ll start Tuesday. We had treats in the house and had to get rid of them. In retrospect, it might have been smarter to throw them away instead of eat them but what can you do? At least the house is clean of fatty foods, giving me a running start tomorrow. Here’s to success!

Tuesday
So far, so good! No cravings. No slip-ups. We’ll see how it goes after I get out of bed. I think I’m going to make it.

Wednesday
My alarm didn’t go off so I didn’t exercise - but I did try on five pairs of sweat pants to see which looked best. Now, I’m really set for tomorrow. Watch out world!

Thursday
The sweats weren’t clean; can’t exercise in dirty gym clothes so I put that off until tomorrow. In other diet news, I got an order of fries on my way home. At first I felt bad, but then I realized potatoes are vegetables so I got a larger order. This dieting thing isn’t so hard.

Friday
Finally got to exercise! I walked to the coffee shop down the block and got a chocolate chip muffin to replace all the calories I burned. Later, the family went to a Mexican restaurant. I realized I might be eating a little much when the waiter brought a fourth basket of chips. So to compensate, I had two light beers instead of regular ones. I don’t understand why people complain about diets; this is easy. You just need to think about what you do.

Saturday
What a busy day! Between running the kids around, going to the mall, and house cleaning, I’m surprised I had time to breathe. About 4:00, I realized I hadn’t eaten so I did three rounds of samples in the grocery store. The amounts they give are so little, there’s no way I put on weight. Tomorrow, I get on the scale. I can’t wait!

Sunday
Dieting doesn’t work! I’ve been perfect all week and - can you believe I gained two pounds?! What’s that about?! I’m going to figure out a new plan and start again tomorrow. Right now I have to go; we’re late for pizza.