Speeding Through Life

The very first time I sat in the therapist's office, my initial question was not in search of personal insights, philosophical uplift, nor deep understanding. Rather it was a rudimentary and mundane query, "How long will this take?"

Glancing at his watch, he glibly replied, "About 50 minutes."

"No," I countered, "I mean how long before I am fixed?"

"First of all," he said, "You're not broken; you do not need to be fixed. The thing about mental health is that you understand you will never completely 'get your act together;' you develop tools that help you handle better the problems you face and enjoy your life more in the process. However, once you deal with the surface issues, others will come to view; so in a manner of speaking, one never gets there. Shall we begin?"

Forty-nine minutes to go; this was going to be a very long hour.

Since then, I have indeed learned quite a lot:

1. I make positive choices more often than I don't.

2. Despite knowing the correct thing to do - I do not always opt to do so. (However, one those occasions when I choose to "walk off a cliff," there is some small measure of satisfaction in at least knowing I am making a choice, and not merely a victim of random circumstance.)
I still want to rush the process so I can be "there" already. At times, I tire of self-analysis and deep thought. I simply expect the Universe to operate the way I think it should. What's wrong with that?

3. As illustration, I wish I could lose those "extra pounds" without having to change any habits. That way, I could stop thinking about calories, carbs, and calisthenics every blasted waking minute. Then - I promise - I will lead a 100% healthy lifestyle and maintain this new body. It's not like I don't know how; so what use is there in undergoing this torturous, monotonous process of yet again? I swear I have learned my lesson. Just get me to the destination and I'll prove it.

Insanity is described as "doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result." If I am indeed seeking physical and mental health; and every time I follow the "hurry-up-and-get-there path," I regain my weight; maybe a thought adjustment is required.

Those things of which I am most proud (physically, emotionally, and spiritually) all came from effort. I saved money, educated my mind, and developed my beliefs. Setbacks, although unpleasant, were the genesis for understanding and growth.

If life is a journey and not a destination, why race for the end? I lament how quickly my days pass, yet disregard the present, urgently longing for tomorrow, sacrificing the only actual time I have: Now.

Maybe if I can enjoy today, tomorrow will be even better.