Wednesday, February 27, 2008

The break up

Relationships come and go but I have been deeply involved with calories for a very long time. We were not smarties, rather a couple of chunky dum-dum nerds on a rocky road: snickering together, exchanging chocolate kisses. Sweet things were left for me each day and I was wooed by those charms. I went goo-goo over the relationship.

Our time was good - and plenty. Periodically, we escaped for extended cross-country excursions, enjoying each other on Fifth Avenue as we traversed that long, licorice highway, viewing the Milky Way, admiring Mars. I remember one particular trip where we spent the night on a farm, treated by a jolly rancher. I have to tell you, he was a lifesaver.

Calories came to my workplace, offering sage advice, spicing up my day. When frustrated and angered by writer's block, I ventured to the kitchen for consultations with chocolates and cookies. When I returned, gone was Mr. Chip from my shoulder, leaving me filled again, dissatisfaction in peeces. But I don't need to explain that, u-know how it is when you're on a roll.

By the glow of a flickering TV screen, after payday, I sat with potato crisps, tortilla chips, and candy. Not a peep would be uttered, I could tell simply by the look that I was wanted and needed, like a big hunk.

However, I am finding that our relationship - although very filling - is causing me heartache (and heartburn). I have been trying to fudge how I feel but I must consider moving on. I am afraid I might be turning into a sucker.

Oh sure, we had great times. I will long for midnight rendezvous in the kitchen, finding passion with leftover mashed potatoes and cold cuts to the soft light of an open refrigerator. Rainy Sundays coupled with croissants and scones made for great times; I won't be able to peruse the morning paper without crying, especially when I read the recipe page.

It is important to understand I have no beef with this relationship and I am not chicken to move forward. I just want to make sure what I do is well done. So it is with heavy heart and heavier waistline that I have come to this fork in the road, indeed an irony, since that utensil has usually been party to more positive moments. I have so many mixed feelings; having to fold-in many thoughts, beating and whipping myself up, egging myself onward, processing and blending all we have been. My concern is how this will pan out.

This decision should be easy as pie, yet it is no cakewalk. What I do know is that it is eating me alive and I better make up my mind, before I waist any more time.

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