Theoretical versus actual

Today (as planned):

1. Arise early smiling and refreshed; greet world with 45-minute brisk walk while listening to singing birds under sunny blue skies. Stop at coffee shop and read the paper; joyously greeting each person. Eat a healthy, balanced, nutritious breakfast while connecting with my wife. Drink three glasses of filtered water as a treat.
2. Answer all e-mail. Write my column; infused with wit and insight. Send materials to three potential speaking opportunities, confident they'll hire me for twice asking price. Complete assignments for all clients prior to promised deadlines.
3. Reconcile credit card statements, set up automatic banking to pay each and every bill for next three years. Buy groceries. Straighten office.
4. Have lunch with a friend. Sit in the sun on a swing, singing. Watch entertaining, uplifting video. Have a wine cooler. Relax. Count blessings.

Today (actual):

1. Got up late after throwing alarm with annoying buzzer at wall. Dragged my panting, sweaty, dreary, flabby body around the block for 10 minutes. Gagged down chalky instant breakfast while watching exercise infomercial. Waved to wife as she went to work. Decided extra caffeinated coffee is a "need," not a "want."
2. Spent 45 minutes sifting through email about sexual potency, mortgages, and African expatriates offering me money. Stared at blank page while occasionally pounding head on desk to alleviate writer's block. (Took several aspirin.) Made one phone call where I was relegated to "voice mail hell" for 24 minutes. Cursed at automated voice. Slammed down phone; breaking mouthpiece.
3. Shoved bills from one messy pile to another. Decided to scrape green fuzz off last week's leftovers for dinner. Came to terms with the fact that my office will always look like it was designed by tornado.
4. Had three-hour chocolate binge fest; felt guilty (and fat) so I blamed my wife for having snacks in the house. (Learned new definition to "unwise decision.") Weather was cloudy so I zoned out with two martinis in front of TV while watching imbecilic sitcoms (which, in my mood, actually seemed appealing). Fell into restless sleep on couch, with face in drool stain on pillow.

Someone said happy people simply accept life on its own terms. As my Yiddish grandmother Zlate said (in addition to countless repetitions of "Oy Vay"), "Mann plant Gott lach;" translated, "Man plans, God laughs."

I must remember it's not about getting it done. It's about how I feel about what was done. It's not how far I have to travel, it's how far I have come.

Today: not so good. I was frustrated. But tomorrow, I try again. That's excellent.