In pursuit of perfect foods

In past dieting experiences, I tried removing all temptation - living a Spartan taste-free subsistence comprised of foodstuffs with a flavor and texture akin to cardboard. While gnawing and slashing my way through tough, rubbery, bland, fibrous food, the thought dawned on me, “If this is what I have to eat to live to be 100, why bother?” As there was no compelling answer, I opt now for more innovative methods to control my weight.

Example: I like pizza. OK, “like” is an extremely meek word for my attraction to this disk-shaped, flat hubcap of gastronomic bliss. To put things in perspective, as much as I adore my spouse - given the choice between a four-cheese, stuffed-crust, sausage-laden, deep-dish, garlic-pepperoni pizza pie and my wife - I would still opt for my wife. But, I gotta tell you, the judging could be close. (Oh dear, I am going to be in so much trouble when I get home tonight…)

I do have limits, only one piece of pizza per sitting - albeit it is a round 16” piece which the restaurant graciously cuts into eight sub-pieces. Usually, the pizza’s will dominates my mere mortal sensibilities, forcing me to follow my meal with buffalo wings, cheesy breadsticks dipped in garlic butter, and white chocolate strawberry cheesecake. This ingestion frenzy fogs my senses sending me scouring my environs in search of anything sluggish enough to pierce with a fork. Even my cat becomes rightfully cautious when I’m eyeing her while in one of these moods.

To try and counter these cravings, I founded EATS: Experimental Alternative Tasty Solutions. The ultimate quest is a non-fat, zero-calorie, no net carb, sugarless, no preservative added, guilt-free – yet flavorful - snack. Results have been mixed with some formulas achieving moderate success. Others, such as lettuce dipped in fat-free chocolate syrup, faring less well.

My current project involves a guiltless pizza: One high fiber wheat tortilla, soaked in salsa, sprinkled with fat-free Parmesan cheese, low fat cottage cheese, and garlic. Granted, there are doubters, but I am expecting to have it in several restaurants immediately after I market my dieter’s substitute for spaghetti: boiled bean sprouts covered with ketchup.

About the author: Scott "Q" Marcus lost 70 pounds in 1994 and is a professional speaker. He is available for speeches, workshops, or comments at 707.442.6243 or scottq@THINspiration.com. His new book, "Striving for Imperfection, 52 Motivational, Playful Columns on Weight Loss, Habit Change, and Other Acts of Faith," is now available by contacting him or visiting www.TheEatingCycle.com